Feral Claws (The Midnight Panther Chronicles Book 1) Page 9

  She turns away from me as she speaks, but I can still hear the pain in her voice as it cracks. Disappointed, I head towards the door.

  “Juniper.” My mom says, without turning around. I take another step forward, and finally she faces me. Her eyes are red, but she’s smiling.

  “I love you so much.” She says, gently patting my head.

  “I love you too, Mommy.” I replied, smiling back.

  “Good. Now, go take the letter to the box.”

  I bounce happily out the door of our beat up mobile home and down the concrete steps. The mailbox is in sight of the house, but the gravel driveway is uneven and up a hill. By the time I reach the road, my breathing is labored and my cheeks are red.

  I take one last glance at the letter before I slide it into the mailbox and lift the red flag.

  It’s addressed to someone with a name I had never heard; Adriel Mathiews.

  I could hear shouting and gravel being slung by tires, but no matter how hard I tried my eyes wouldn’t open. I was paralyzed, and fading in and out of consciousness. At some point I wasn’t sure if I was even still alive.

  I was dead. I had died and gone to Hell. That was the only explanation for the pain I felt throughout my body. My head felt like someone had blown up a balloon inside my skull and it was about to explode. However, slowly, I began to hear sounds in the space surrounding me.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  The electronic sound kept me grounded, reminding me I wasn’t dead. Not yet, at least.

  “... and I’m so sorry.”

  I hadn’t even realized someone was speaking. I tried opening my eyes, but it was no use. My eyelids were as heavy as ten gold bars. Nevertheless, I listened in to the voice. It was River, and he was hurting.

  “I should have never hid that from you. I thought if I never told anyone, not even you, maybe I could pretend it never happened… maybe it would go away.”

  There was a slight pause, and now I could feel his hand in mine. He squeezed softly, sending warmth through my body.

  “But now I see. I could have never hidden it forever. Even if Sam hadn’t come back for me, something else would have drug out the truth. I lied to you Juniper, and for that I am deeply sorry.”

  I had never heard River speak so sincerely before. I doubted he would have said any of this to me if he knew I could hear him.

  His hand squeezed mine once more before he released it. I heard his soft sigh and then the creak of a door being closed.

  I opened my eyes, and the bright light from above instantly invaded my vision. I blinked a few times to adjust to the brightness.

  Everything smelled like disinfectant. That paired with the incessant beeping clued me in to my surroundings. I was in a hospital.

  My vision was blurry at first, but then everything became sharply focused. The white floors, walls, and lights were already giving me a headache. I lay on a bed covered with white sheets with a thin, scratchy blanket on top. The pillows needed fluffing, but considering what I had just been through, I was happy to be here. I was alive.

  I lifted my hands, and they cooperated, but my legs were stiff and sore. Thankfully, I could move my toes, so I knew everything was in working order.

  Cautiously, I lifted the blanket from my midsection. My torso was covered in the hospital gown, but it was undone in the back so I could easily adjust it to get a better look at my stomach.

  The spot where I had been shot was covered in white gauze, but I was too scared to prod it. I remembered how painful it was when it happened, and I was in no rush to relive that horror.

  Suddenly, the door swung open. A young nurse, probably the same age as me, brisked in with a smile on her face.

  “Oh! You’re awake! Such great news.” She greeted cheerily.

  She continued over to my bedside and tapped the bag of fluid. I followed the tube that connected the liquid all the way to my hand and flinched. I had an IV on the back of my hand. Tape covered the needle, but just the thought of the humongous sharp intrusion made me cringe.

  “Oh, don’t worry about that. We had to give you something to stabilize you once you arrived. That, along with morphine, is probably why you’ve been out so long.” She smiled.

  “How long have I been asleep?” I exclaimed.

  Had days gone by? Weeks? Months?

  “About 48 hours. But don’t worry, you will be A-Okay. You’ll probably be released sometime tomorrow morning.”

  A thought occurred to me.

  “What happened to me?” I asked.

  “Don’t you remember?” She looked concerned for a second, but then plastered the smile back onto her face.

  “You and your boyfriend were hiking out by the forest. Some unauthorized hunter shot you by mistake. The cops are out searching for him now.”

  “Ah, some of it’s coming back to me know.” I replied.

  “You’re lucky your boyfriend got you here in time.” She smiled.

  Yeah, lucky. That’s what they call being shot in the stomach.

  “I’m going to give you one more dose of pain medication through your IV, then the doctor will prescribe you something before you leave.” She smiled and patted my leg. “You’ll be completely recovered in about two months.”

  She didn’t realize that my wounds would heal much sooner, probably in two weeks or less. My species had accelerated healing, especially after a shift. I just smiled back to the nurse and nodded. There was no way she would know that. There was nothing that would tell her I was anything more than human, except for an extensive DNA examination.

  She checked a few more things on the beeping machine before plunging a needle into my IV bag and squirting a clear liquid through it. Two minutes after she left the room, a knock sounded on the door.

  “Come in.” I called.

  The door swung open and Max peeked his head inside.

  “Hey, you’re awake.”

  He pushed the door further open and walked inside.

  His hair was a mess, and he was still wearing the same clothes I had seen him in last, which was at least two days ago.

  “Hey.” I replied.

  He sat down in the empty chair across from my bed, and I straightened up higher on my now fluffed pillows to see him. The pain medication was setting in, so the movement made me slightly dizzy.

  “I know you must be in a lot of pain, but I’m about to head back home and I wanted to bid you farewell.” Max smiled. He was being extra nice to me, and I wasn’t interested in pity.

  “Did you know?” I asked.

  He looked taken aback. He straightened in his chair and cocked his head to the side in confusion.

  “Know what?”

  “Don’t play dumb.” I snarled. “Did you or didn’t you know that River had killed someone, maybe even worse, and lied to me about it.”

  I knew I was being mean to someone who had just saved me, but my rage over the situation was seeping out, and my pain medication had turned me into a faucet that couldn’t be shut off.

  “It isn’t a lie if you never asked.” He replied.

  I hissed. He damn well knew what I meant. But his response was all I needed to know that he knew the truth. River had kept this from me for six years, something that was definitely supposed to be shared between two partners, yet he had confided with someone else.

  I took a deep breath in, and on the exhale I forced all the pain out of my system. Max had helped save my life, after all. And he wasn’t the one I was mad at.

  “Thank you, Max. I really appreciate everything you have done for me, even if I don’t remember much at the end.” I forced myself to smile at him, and in return he smiled back.

  He looked a bit relieved. I guess he was expecting me to take my anger out on him, but no. I was saving it for someone else.

  “Goodbye. Say hello to Jenny for me.”

  He stood up, and after a moment of hesitation he gave me a sideways hug. I returned the hug fully, even though it hurt.

  Max took a few s
teps forward before stopping and turning back.

  “And Juniper… go easy on him.”

  I puckered my lips in deliberation. Max nodded his head and walked out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  Could I go easy on River? He had never lied to me before, but then again, this meant that he had always been lying to me. He betrayed my trust, even when he knew I depended on him being my stabilizer.

  I didn’t think I could trust him again, not so easily.

  I rubbed my eyes. My head had become fuzzy and thinking about my broken relationship was giving me a headache.

  I stuffed my pillow over my head and hushed my thoughts. I wasn’t sleepy, but I was exhausted in another way. I embraced the hum flowing through my body as I drifted into a peaceful meditative state.

  No one else knocked on my door that night.

  After a quick cleaning of my wounds, which wasn’t pleasant at all, the doctor deemed me well. His exact words were, “I’ve never seen anyone heal so remarkably.” but that was no surprise to me.

  River had spent the whole night elsewhere. Maybe he went home, or maybe he slept in the car. All I knew was that he wasn’t here, and then bright and early he strolls into the room like he was born to do so. He’s clearly stressed; his eyes are framed by deep dark circles, and his lips are pressed in a tight line. He doesn’t immediately address me, but smiles when he notices me staring.

  I don’t care, anyway. I don’t want to address our strained relationship just yet. Plus, those pain meds were still pumping strong.

  I kept finding myself staring into space, thinking about what had happened. Sam’s dead eyes haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes I could see them. I felt numb and sad, all at the same time.

  After the doctor checked my wounds, he wrote me a prescription for more pain medication and sent me on my way. They let me take home a wheelchair, which River insisted he push.

  River was parked in a no-parking zone, with two tickets stuck under the wiper of his truck. Huh, I guess he never left the hospital after all.

  River opened the passenger side door and looked at me awkwardly.

  “I would hop up there myself, but I struggle even without a shot to the stomach.” I said.

  River smiled slightly and gathered all one hundred and forty pounds of me into his arms. I grunted as my stitches stretched my skin, but soon I was placed into the comfy seats of River’s F-150.

  After I was snug as a bug and buckled, River walked around and got into the driver’s seat. I stared straight ahead as he started the engine, but when I was sure his eyes were on the road, I snuck a quick peek his way.

  We locked eyes as he glanced sideways as well, but he quickly looked away. We had never been in an argument or fight for longer than a few hours, but he had also never broken my trust before. The tension was thick in the air, and I decided I had had enough.

  “River-”

  “Juniper-”

  We both gave the other person time to speak, but when he never spoke I continued.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me you had killed someone?” I asked.

  He didn’t answer for a minute, but his grip tightened around the steering wheel. I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but finally he blew out a breath of air and responded.

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you, but I didn’t. I didn’t want you to know that about me. There were a few times I wanted to tell you, but by then I hadn’t mentioned it for so long that I started to believe it didn’t matter.” He said.

  “Didn’t matter?! River, when I met you I was a mess. You knew what I did, and yet you never thought to tell me you had gone through the same thing?” I paused and tried to simmer down, but my anger just boiled over even more. “Or maybe you weren’t going through the same thing as me. Maybe you killed that girl in cold blood. Maybe you liked it.” I hissed.

  River hit the steering wheel with a loud thud, causing the horn to go off. I flinched, but his outburst only made me angrier.

  “I didn’t like it. In fact, I wanted to die after what I did. The only thing that I feared worse than myself was my father, and that’s why killed her.” He raced down the road, flying through a red light. Cars honked, and I cursed under my breath, but slowly River eased up on the gas pedal. “I wanted to forget. I never wanted you to know about that side of me because I wanted it to cease to exist altogether.” He whispered.

  “Yeah, but mates don’t lie to each other. And that’s what you did. You lied to me.” I whispered back.

  We were silent for the rest of the ride back, but River had calmed down a bit. He wasn’t speeding any more than usual, and no more red lights were violated.

  I didn’t know how to feel about the conversation. I had known River didn’t like to talk about his father, but I always thought it was because he missed him after he passed. He could have at least told me about what his father had put him through when he was younger, but instead he kept silent.

  I studied River’s features. Those broad muscles and dark hair, those green eyes; they were all familiar to me. River himself was as familiar as my own reflection, but now I felt like I knew nothing about the real him. And in return, maybe I knew less about myself than I thought.

  We pulled into the gravel driveway and sat in front of the house. Neither of us moved, or talked. The air simmered with words unsaid. I wasn’t sure if I had my future planned out anymore.

  However, I was sure of one thing.

  I couldn’t stay with River anymore. Not for a while. I had to work on myself before I could even begin to work on our relationship. The revelation hit me like a burst of freezing air, taking my breath away. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, but luckily they were silent and not the snotty sobs I was used too. No, these tears were tears of certainty, and fresh beginnings.

  “River. I love you. I really, really do. But I think I need to get out for a while. I need… a break from all of this,” I motioned at the space between us. “Everything we’ve been through has taught me something. And that something is that I have no idea who I am, or anything about my past. I think I need to figure those things out before I can figure you out.”

  I gasped out the last few words in one solid mush, and after he didn’t immediately reply I wondered if he had even heard me. I finally drug my eyes in his direction, only to find him staring at me with tears in his eyes.

  At that moment, after seeing the broken expression on his face, I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to tell him to forget I had ever said anything at all, but I didn’t. I couldn’t let myself. I was doing the right thing; I knew it from the bottom of my heart.

  This is how it had to be.

  “Are you ever going to forgive me?” He asked.

  I smiled in response. I wasn’t at all happy, but I hoped that he could see the hope I was trying to portray in my eyes.

  “Babe, I want to so badly. But it will take time.” I sighed.

  “I want to figure out who I am. I’ve spent six years being with you, and you were- are my world. I just want to get some of my priorities right, first- before we decide what to do with our relationship.” I added.

  River nodded while wiping his face on the sleeves of his gray hoodie. I had never seen him so upset, and my heart ached knowing I was causing him pain. Everything within me was telling me to comfort him, give him peace, but I wouldn’t let myself.

  I had made up my mind, and that was that.

  “You can’t just take off yet. Heal first.” River said. His voice was huskier than usual, but otherwise back to normal.

  I nodded.

  “Yeah. Two weeks, tops. Then I’m gonna take a little vacation, get out for a while.”

  I smiled, hoping he didn’t see through my deception.

  “Okay … Okay, maybe this will be good for you. But Juniper, promise me one thing.”

  I didn’t answer, but waited on him to continue. I wasn’t sure what he would say, but I would be as honest if I could.

  “Just promise
me you won’t move on. I don’t want this to be the end. Take some time, but please come back. If you come back, and we can’t make things work… I’ll understand. But at least give me one shot of redemption.”

  I bit my bottom lip in consideration.

  “Okay, but this works both ways. You can’t go off finding my replacement either. Not until we’ve tied up our loose ends.”

  “Deal.” He breathed out.

  “Good. Now, help me get inside.” I groaned.

  My stomach was hurting because I had opted out of picking up my pain medication. I needed to maintain a sharp mind for what would come next.

  It was going to be a rough two weeks.

  The last two weeks had been the most painful in my life, in more ways than one. My physical wounds had healed slower than usual because I wouldn’t force myself to shift; the pain was too much of a deterrent.

  Regardless, I had healed.

  River kept his distance from me. He took up camp in the living room and I had our bedroom all to myself. The distance, and lack of, was torture. I missed him and I hated him all at the same time.

  “Stupid love…” I grumbled, as I threw another unfolded shirt into my suitcase.

  I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone, but I wanted to make sure I had plenty of clothes, especially warmer ones due to the approach of winter. I had tossed all my skimpy undies out of the way, making more room for beanies and warm socks. I wouldn’t need them, anyway.

  A knock sounded on the door behind me. I don’t even know why he bothered; I had heard him coming since his feet hit the floor in the living room.

  “Come in!” I called.

  The door swung open, and there he stood. He had showered recently, which meant I got a fresh dose of the sweet aroma that surrounded him. River never used scented body products, he didn’t have to.

  His hair was still damp, and he pulled a hand through his dark locks. Recently, River had done every one of the things that made me lust for him. Shirtless push ups in the living room, humming in the shower, stretching in tight v-necks… I wasn’t sure if it was intentional or if I was just noticing his gestures more because I couldn’t have him.